Council Affairs: Real beaches for real people

I SPOTTED one keyboard warrior suggesting on the social media soapboxes that businesses and residents might actually be allergic to sand.

I SPOTTED one keyboard warrior suggesting on the social media soapboxes that businesses and residents in Limerick City against the idea of an urban beach on Steamboat Quay next month might actually be allergic to sand.

So, be warned people, if you tend to break out in bumps, lumps, rashes, and swellings at the mere mention of Carrigaholt, best stay away. Limerick streets could be roaming with scratchy CEOS and chafing citizens for the month of August. I’m breaking out in swimmer’s itch just at the very thought of it, and I’m quite partial to a paddle, myself.

But seriously, what’s with all the party-pooping at all? It’s absolutely scorchio out there, the jocks are glued to me, so could we not, for once, agree to turning those frowns upside down, get those little tootsies wet, and start thinking outside the box?

In fairness, those working in the city centre can’t exactly get to Costa del Kilkee on their lunch break, so what’s wrong with bringing the seashore to them?

We all know Limerick isn’t Barcelona, despite the fact that some in Merchant’s Quay seem hellbent on modifying that reality. But could we not all try to make a big summer splash together, and start looking at life with a more gun half-loaded approach?

Listen, if you really are allergic to sand and tend to come over all snotty-nosed and delirious when Home and Away comes on the box, get to your nearest pharmacist or church and consider your poor life choices.

Life is hard enough without begrudging us a beach to piss on.

Last week, Limerick City Traders Association, who Mayor John Moran seems to believe are a pretend organisation, waded into the deep end of the paddling pool on this matter.

“We request instead that the proposed street closures be paused, reconsidered, and not implemented unless and until there has been full consultation with all retailers, a published business impact assessment, and a practical access plan that protects city centre traders,” the group insisted.

His excellency was having none of it, saying: “I would appreciate it if you could forward me a list of the members represented by your views so that I can also understand who might not be included to fairly take into account the views you have expressed.”

Like city businesses and their allegedly dreamt up guild, the Mayor too has a dream – real beaches for real people. None of these fake beach haters with their angry letters.